The Press Room
Twelve outlets stand between you and the truth, which is whatever you said this morning. Sue them, buy them, or turn them into fans. Freedom of the press includes your freedom to own one.
The Patriot Party presents
AMERICAN DICTATOR
One term. One chance. Zero term limits.
A satirical political survival game. A crisis lands on your desk every month. You get three bad options, one worse one, and a timer. Capture the courts, the Congress, and the press before the republic notices, or lose the only election you ever intend to hold.
0%Approval rating*
0Hand-written crises
1Term (so far)
*Figure audited by the President's pollster, who is doing great and has not been threatened.
THE NATIONAL SCREAM
APPROVAL RATING REACHES 143 PERCENT, POLLSTER PROMOTED TO SAFETY
COURTS AGREE WITH PRESIDENT IN RECORD TIME, JUDGES THANKED AND REPLACED
HURRICANE CORRECTED BY EXECUTIVE ORDER, NOW HEADED WHERE IT WAS TOLD
$PREZ COIN UP 40,000 PERCENT AMONG THOSE REQUIRED TO SAY SO
PRESS SECRETARY TAKES QUESTIONS, KEEPS THEM
ECONOMY DESCRIBED AS TREMENDOUS BY MAN WHO NOW OWNS IT
FREEDOM OCEAN RENAMED AGAIN, OLD MAPS BURNED IN CELEBRATION
ELECTION CONFIRMED FOR WHENEVER
THIS HEADLINE APPROVED BEFORE IT WAS WRITTEN
A message from the President
"It's good to be
the President."
My fellow Americans. When I took this office, our country had problems. Big problems. Courts that said no. Newspapers that printed things. A Congress.
I made you a promise: I would fix all of it, or I would fix the people who noticed. In this game, that promise is yours to keep. You will inherit five institutions in working order, and you will have forty-eight months to do something about that.
They call it a democracy simulator. It is not. Democracy is what happens when you lose.
The President
(name withheld for legal reasons that are also withheld)
Every lever of government, within reach
The Machinery of State
Nine rooms. Each one runs a branch of the country. Each one can be persuaded, purchased, or permanently improved.
The Bench
Ten judges and a lot of opinions. They can be pressured, replaced, or simply outnumbered. If the court keeps ruling against you, the problem is obviously the size of the court.
The War Room
Declare war on anyone, for any reason. Glacia looked at you funny. The Hermit Republic exists. The map on the table is mostly red pins now, and the general has started sighing audibly.
Public Order
Ten cities, each with its own opinion of you, each wrong. Send in the agencies until morale improves. Unrest is just approval that hasn't been processed yet.
The Treasury
Print money. Rename money. Put your face on money. The economy is the strongest it has ever been, according to the man it now legally belongs to.
The Pardon Window
Forgiveness, wholesale. Pardon allies, strangers, a horse, and eventually, in a private ceremony with excellent catering, yourself.
The Phone
An address book of world leaders and five things you can say to each of them, none of them wise. Every call is perfect. Ask anyone who is still allowed to describe it.
The Residence
Thirteen improvements to the People's House, starting with more gold and proceeding directly to even more gold. The ballroom pays for itself, emotionally.
The Constitution
The founding document, under glass, for now. Amend it. It was always more of a mood board than a rulebook.
Freshly screamed
The National Scream
The Paper of Record, Corrected
Treasury Unveils New Banknote, Reviews Are Unanimous And Required
The Treasury revealed a redesigned banknote featuring the President on the front, the President's signature in the middle, and the President again on the back.
Supreme Court Rules For President Before Case Is Filed
The high court delivered a unanimous ruling in the President's favour on Tuesday, several days before anyone had brought the case.
Approval Rating Reaches 143 Percent, Pollster Promoted To Safety
The President's approval rating climbed to 143 percent this week, a figure the Office of Numbers described as both impossible and correct.
Decorations of the Permanent Administration
Medals You Will Award Yourself
Thirteen service medals, earned through play and presented to you, by you, at a ceremony you will describe as emotional.
Sworn statements
The Cabinet Reviews the Game
All testimony given voluntarily, under oath, and in the presence of the President.
โ โ โ โ โI have served in four administrations. This is certainly one of them.
โ โ โ โ โThe game is perfect and always has been. Next question. No, not you.
โ โ โ โ โengagement is INSANE rn. we ratio'd the constitution. ๐ฆ ๐ฆ ๐ฆ
โ โ โ โ โI am legally required to appear on this website.
โ โ โ โ โNo comment.
(Comment provided on her behalf by the Seeing and Approving Office.)
โ โ โ โ โFive stars. The number was chosen for me, but I want to be clear that I also mean it.
Official merchandise of the Executive Branch
The Patriot Store
"Sir. Respectfully. It is absolutely a store."
Sy Feltman, Personal Counsel to the President
$PREZ Coin
The official currency of loyalty
A digital asset backed by the full faith and credit of a man who has neither. Number goes up while you are watching. Do not stop watching.
$0.0004 โฒ rising
Not a security. Not secure. Not available.
Eagle One, the Cologne
By Liberty Financial Fragrances
3.4 fluid ounces of unregulated confidence. Top notes of mahogany and litigation. Base notes of a document you were not supposed to keep.
$88.00 tariff included, then added again
Discontinued after the incident. The incident is classified.
Commemorative Pardon
Framed. Suitable for framing again.
A full and unconditional pardon with your name written in by hand. Not legally binding. For the legally binding version, please commit to a purchase of the game.
$1,776.00 crimes sold separately
Frame contains no gold. Gold contains no frame. All sales are final, like everything else now.
The Patriot Store does not ship, charge, or exist. Purchases are recorded as Tributes and remain, like all things, the property of the President.
Distribution by decree
Assume the Office
Coming soon. Fully offline. Collects nothing, which makes it the most private branch of government. Priced fairly, by a panel the President appointed.
System requirements
- Minimum: a device, ambition.
- Recommended: a device, ambition, no working knowledge of constitutional law.
- Storage: less space than one classified document.
The Office of Questions
Frequently Approved Questions
Is this game legal?
The Attorney General has advised us not to answer, and we have advised the Attorney General not to advise.
Is the game free?
No. Freedom is not free, and neither is this. The game costs money. The country pays separately.
When can I buy it?
Soon. The release date exists, is beautiful, and will be announced by the appropriate office once the office has been created.
How long is one term?
Forty-eight months, or about twenty minutes of real time, which is coincidentally how long a republic takes.
Is it really all fictional?
Yes. Every person, party, agency, company, and country in the game is invented. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or currently posting is a coincidence we are extremely proud of.
Can I lose?
Constantly. Five institutions each have a way of ending you, and the election at the end has three doors. One of them only opens if you have gathered enough power to keep it shut.
Have a question the Office has not pre-approved? Write to real people at support@americandictator.info